But it was just a twinge.
The thing that really got me recently? Okay, so I still make mixes (yeah, yeah, "playlists", whatevs). And some are upbeat and perfect for chores, and some are more hard and driving and perfect for angry chores, and some are a little more... wistful. Oh, you know -- college girl feeling all soulful type of music. So, I put on a mix that I hadn't listened to in a while as I tackled clearing out boxes from our move eighteen months ago (I KNOW). Fine, fine, all's perfectly fine, right? I'm barely listening. Then the Cure's Pictures of You came on, and I actually thought to myself, "I should be crying over this, but I'm not. It's too cliched. I'm totally fine. Lalalala." Next song? Beth Orton's Thinking About Tomorrow. POW. I literally put my head down and sobbed.
That's the thing of it. I never know what it's going to be that knocks me off my feet. There's no avoiding triggers, because I don't know what they're going to be. I can read Horton and smile, but finding board books I had been saving for Jane twists my gut. Ambushed.