Not much to report today, mostly in a boring-is-good kind of way. Unfortunately, that also means no progress was made. In fact, Jane kinda lost a little ground -- her CO2 levels were creeping up, so they turned up the delta-p (the setting on the oscillator that, very loosely speaking, sort of sets the size of the breaths) to try to help her get rid of some of the accumulated gas. Fortunately, it worked and got her CO2 back into the 60s (a more reasonable place to be). But to get there, they had to turn up the dial from 70 to 75. Back in September when she was struggling so much she was at 23, and we thought that was high. Oh, to be young and naive again.
The vigil continues. Howard the Bear and Bun have assumed their rightful places at Jane's head. Howard has been looking after Jane since her first moments in the ICN, and I was pretty uneasy about the few days when he wasn't there (thanks to a fall to the floor, poor guy got thrown in the laundry). He's her totem, you know?
I know I was worried sick back when Jane was so tiny and on 100% oxygen and they were constantly trying new things, but this... this feels different. It's been a loooong time since I've been this nervous about calling the hospital for an update. I think part of it is that we have been through this before, all this waiting and worrying, but -- and this may be my faulty memory protecting me -- I don't remember not feeling hope then. The glimmer of hope is so faint now. Jane's situation is so tenuous that it feels like a too-strong breath or a touch at the wrong moment could upset her fragile balance.
There is one good thing. I don't know if you all recall, but back in the fall when Jane was having such a hard time, she really liked being messed with. When her Os were at 100% and her sat numbers would drift down, we could move her or thump her back to get the numbers back up. Well, we can't do any of that now, but when Awesome Nurse Nancy suctions her mouth to vacuum up the drool, a thing most babies HATE, Jane's sats go up. Every time. It's old school Jane, and it gives me hope.